I went with Mallory this evening so she could try on her wedding dress at the seamstress' house.
It looks so beautiful on her!
It is perfect!!!
She looks like a princess!!
She is my princess!!!
Final alterations on the dress should be done by the first part of next week!! I am so excited!!!
The wedding is getting closer and closer.
I'm trying not to panic.
Trying to get everything done!!!
Not stressed at all, ha ha!!
But really. I am trying to enjoy this time. I only have one daughter. I only get to do this once.
I'm so happy for Mallory and Tyler and love them both so much!!
Thursday, October 3, 2019
Wednesday, October 2, 2019
Blogtober Day 2
It's Day 2 of Blogtober and I'm still at it. :)
I really hope I can stick to it and write something every day this month.
I kind of feel like I should have a theme for these posts, but I think I'm just going to stick to writing whatever is on my mind each day....
Today was a good day. I spent most of the dat working on tasks for Mallory and Tyler's wedding. I feel like I got a lot accomplished, which feels good...and very necessary, since the wedding takes place on the 26th of the month!
I also took pictures of my niece Katelyn, who will be leaving on a mission for our church on October 30. She is going to be serving for 18 months in the Denver Colorado North mission. We had a lot of fun doing her photography session today. She is very photogenic and makes my job easy.
When I stop and think about it, it kind of freaks me out that Katelyn is going on a mission. Well, and also that Alex has been on his mission for more than a year. I remember so distinctly when both of them were born... Jan's last child and my last child...born just a few months apart. I remember Jan saying that it would be 2018 before those two would graduate from high school. Back in 2000, that seemed like eons away.. Somehow those eons went by way faster than I thought they would and now Katelyn and Alex and already are or soon will be missionaries.
Life certainly comes at you fast, as Ferris Bueller would say...
I guess what I need to do is keep hanging on tight and enjoy the ride!
-- M.E.
I really hope I can stick to it and write something every day this month.
I kind of feel like I should have a theme for these posts, but I think I'm just going to stick to writing whatever is on my mind each day....
Today was a good day. I spent most of the dat working on tasks for Mallory and Tyler's wedding. I feel like I got a lot accomplished, which feels good...and very necessary, since the wedding takes place on the 26th of the month!
I also took pictures of my niece Katelyn, who will be leaving on a mission for our church on October 30. She is going to be serving for 18 months in the Denver Colorado North mission. We had a lot of fun doing her photography session today. She is very photogenic and makes my job easy.
When I stop and think about it, it kind of freaks me out that Katelyn is going on a mission. Well, and also that Alex has been on his mission for more than a year. I remember so distinctly when both of them were born... Jan's last child and my last child...born just a few months apart. I remember Jan saying that it would be 2018 before those two would graduate from high school. Back in 2000, that seemed like eons away.. Somehow those eons went by way faster than I thought they would and now Katelyn and Alex and already are or soon will be missionaries.
Life certainly comes at you fast, as Ferris Bueller would say...
I guess what I need to do is keep hanging on tight and enjoy the ride!
-- M.E.
Tuesday, October 1, 2019
Blogtober 2019
Blogtober....
A word I'd never heard until just about an hour ago.
My daughter Mallory asked if I knew about Blogtober, which apparently is a word used to describe a challenge to bloggers around the world to blog something each day in October.
So here goes.
I haven't published anything in this blog since 2017... Yeah, it's been a while.
But I think I'm going to jump on board this Blogtober thing.
This is an exciting month for our family. My daughter Mallory is marrying Tyler Knox, the love of her life on October 26, 2019 on the beach in San Diego, California! It has been exciting to watch their love story unfold and I am so excited for their big day!!! This month, Mallory and Tyler will also celebrate their birthdays.
October is one of my favorite months. I love when the weather changes from the hot days of summer to the more chilly, but still warmish days of fall. I love to see the beautiful colors of the changing leaves.
Sometimes I wish we could have fall all year round. It's definitely the coziest time of the year.
So here's to October...Blogtober...I'm planning to write something every day...even as I'm in the midst of frantically finishing wedding preparations!!
Happy October, everyone!!
A word I'd never heard until just about an hour ago.
My daughter Mallory asked if I knew about Blogtober, which apparently is a word used to describe a challenge to bloggers around the world to blog something each day in October.
So here goes.
I haven't published anything in this blog since 2017... Yeah, it's been a while.
But I think I'm going to jump on board this Blogtober thing.
This is an exciting month for our family. My daughter Mallory is marrying Tyler Knox, the love of her life on October 26, 2019 on the beach in San Diego, California! It has been exciting to watch their love story unfold and I am so excited for their big day!!! This month, Mallory and Tyler will also celebrate their birthdays.
October is one of my favorite months. I love when the weather changes from the hot days of summer to the more chilly, but still warmish days of fall. I love to see the beautiful colors of the changing leaves.
Sometimes I wish we could have fall all year round. It's definitely the coziest time of the year.
So here's to October...Blogtober...I'm planning to write something every day...even as I'm in the midst of frantically finishing wedding preparations!!
Happy October, everyone!!
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
There's a Last Time for Everything
Tomorrow marks the end of an era in my life as a mom.
In August of 1994, Nate, my oldest son, went to his first day of kindergarten.
Tomorrow, August 23, 2017, Alex, my youngest son, begins his senior year of high school.
Tomorrow will be the last first day that I will send one of my children to public school. Of course there are many days of post-high school education ahead for Alex. But tomorrow, he will embark on the big senior year of high school. The last first day. So hard to believe.
He's so ready.
I'm not so sure I am.
Alex is serving as a studentbody officer this year at Bountiful High School. He's the historian, which means he's responsible for taking pictures at all the school events. He will be a busy boy. He already has been since he was appointed to the office last spring. He will spend a lot more time at school activities and with his fellow officers and friends than he will with me this coming school year.
That's how it should be, I suppose.
But it still makes me a little bit (a lot) sad.
This is my last year with him before he embarks on exciting things like a mission for our church and then college. Prior experience with my three older children has taught me that after this year, things will never be the same.
He will still be my boy and he may still live here in my home for a while.
But it will be different once he graduates from high school. I want to sit here and be in denial about that fact.
Sometimes having all this experience as a mom makes things harder and harder as I go along.
So as I get a little teary eyed tomorrow as I make Alex pose in front of the house for the obligatory first-day-of-school picture, I also will commit to savoring the upcoming days, weeks and months of Alex's senior year. I know it's going to fly by faster than I will want it to.
There will be a lot of lasts this coming school year. I hope that I can enjoy them and not just be maudlin and sad about them.
Most of all, I hope that Alex can enjoy them. This is a time like none other he will ever have in his life. I want him to enjoy it. I want him to learn. I want him to laugh. I want him to be happy. I want his heart to be touched. I want his sensitivities to increase. I want him to reach out to those who need a friend. I want him to have more fun than he ever imagined was possible.
I have so many things I hope for him. I know I personally don't have a lot of control over all of it. I won't be directly involved in it. But as I watch, often from the sidelines, I will be cheering (sometimes on the inside so I don't embarrass the heck out of him). But I will be cheering.
I could not be more proud of this boy. He is a light in my life. I love him with all my heart. This stage in motherhood is not easy for me. Sometimes I struggle with letting go. I struggle with the moodiness that Alex manifests sometimes. I have to remember that he is a cat.
Wait. What?
That's right. Children are like dogs. Teenagers are like cats. There is a wonderful essay that describes such a phenomenon. I will include it here:
"I just realized that while little children are dogs -- loyal and affectionate -- teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.
Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell him to come inside, he looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor.
Instead of dogging your footsteps, he disappears. You won't see him again until he gets hungry. Then, he pauses on his sprint through the kitchen, long enough to turn his nose up at whatever you're serving, swish his tail and give you an aggrieved look until you break out the tuna again.
When you reach out to ruffle his head, in that old affectionate gesture, he twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where he has seen you before.
You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with him. He seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. He won't go on family outings. Because you're the one who raised him, taught him to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.
Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desire result. Call him, and he runs away. Tell him to sit, and he jumps on the counter. The more you go toward him, wringing your hands, the more he moves away.
Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you must learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door and let him come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection, too. Sit still, and he will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap he has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for him.
One day, your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you."
Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again."
That essay rings so true with me. Its definitely not easy to live with a cat when you've grown accustomed to living with a dog.
But, again, experience with my other kids tells me that Alex is gradually making that change back to adoring, lovable dog. Even though sometimes I think he wants to take his cat claws and scratch my eyes out, I know deep down he really does love me.
So for now, I will put on my seatbelt and hold on tight for the ride that will be Alex's senior year.
I'm so excited for him and for the wonderful things ahead.
He's grown into an amazing young man. I'm lucky to be his mom.
Sure love my baby boy.
_M.E.
In August of 1994, Nate, my oldest son, went to his first day of kindergarten.
Tomorrow, August 23, 2017, Alex, my youngest son, begins his senior year of high school.
Tomorrow will be the last first day that I will send one of my children to public school. Of course there are many days of post-high school education ahead for Alex. But tomorrow, he will embark on the big senior year of high school. The last first day. So hard to believe.
He's so ready.
I'm not so sure I am.
Alex is serving as a studentbody officer this year at Bountiful High School. He's the historian, which means he's responsible for taking pictures at all the school events. He will be a busy boy. He already has been since he was appointed to the office last spring. He will spend a lot more time at school activities and with his fellow officers and friends than he will with me this coming school year.
That's how it should be, I suppose.
But it still makes me a little bit (a lot) sad.
This is my last year with him before he embarks on exciting things like a mission for our church and then college. Prior experience with my three older children has taught me that after this year, things will never be the same.
He will still be my boy and he may still live here in my home for a while.
But it will be different once he graduates from high school. I want to sit here and be in denial about that fact.
Sometimes having all this experience as a mom makes things harder and harder as I go along.
So as I get a little teary eyed tomorrow as I make Alex pose in front of the house for the obligatory first-day-of-school picture, I also will commit to savoring the upcoming days, weeks and months of Alex's senior year. I know it's going to fly by faster than I will want it to.
There will be a lot of lasts this coming school year. I hope that I can enjoy them and not just be maudlin and sad about them.
Most of all, I hope that Alex can enjoy them. This is a time like none other he will ever have in his life. I want him to enjoy it. I want him to learn. I want him to laugh. I want him to be happy. I want his heart to be touched. I want his sensitivities to increase. I want him to reach out to those who need a friend. I want him to have more fun than he ever imagined was possible.
I have so many things I hope for him. I know I personally don't have a lot of control over all of it. I won't be directly involved in it. But as I watch, often from the sidelines, I will be cheering (sometimes on the inside so I don't embarrass the heck out of him). But I will be cheering.
I could not be more proud of this boy. He is a light in my life. I love him with all my heart. This stage in motherhood is not easy for me. Sometimes I struggle with letting go. I struggle with the moodiness that Alex manifests sometimes. I have to remember that he is a cat.
Wait. What?
That's right. Children are like dogs. Teenagers are like cats. There is a wonderful essay that describes such a phenomenon. I will include it here:
"I just realized that while little children are dogs -- loyal and affectionate -- teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.
Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell him to come inside, he looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor.
Instead of dogging your footsteps, he disappears. You won't see him again until he gets hungry. Then, he pauses on his sprint through the kitchen, long enough to turn his nose up at whatever you're serving, swish his tail and give you an aggrieved look until you break out the tuna again.
When you reach out to ruffle his head, in that old affectionate gesture, he twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where he has seen you before.
You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with him. He seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. He won't go on family outings. Because you're the one who raised him, taught him to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.
Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desire result. Call him, and he runs away. Tell him to sit, and he jumps on the counter. The more you go toward him, wringing your hands, the more he moves away.
Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you must learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door and let him come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection, too. Sit still, and he will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap he has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for him.
One day, your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you."
Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again."
That essay rings so true with me. Its definitely not easy to live with a cat when you've grown accustomed to living with a dog.
But, again, experience with my other kids tells me that Alex is gradually making that change back to adoring, lovable dog. Even though sometimes I think he wants to take his cat claws and scratch my eyes out, I know deep down he really does love me.
So for now, I will put on my seatbelt and hold on tight for the ride that will be Alex's senior year.
I'm so excited for him and for the wonderful things ahead.
He's grown into an amazing young man. I'm lucky to be his mom.
Sure love my baby boy.
_M.E.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
I Miss Blogging
For a few years I was a faithful blogger.
Then life happened.
Seriously, I was dealing with some really difficult things.
I won't go into all that right now, but it may make for future blog post topics.
A couple of weeks ago, I was looking over old blog posts -- the pictures I posted, the words I wrote.
I'm so glad that I took the time to do that because it preserved precious memories for me that I might otherwise have forgotten by now. Well, at least I wouldn't remember all the details as vividly as I described them in my blog.
That's made me want to start blogging again.
I have this blog....which is more words than pictures.
And I have my photography blog, which surprise, surprise, is more pictures than words.
I really want to start keeping up with both of them again.
I might not do it quite as faithfully as I used to.
But I want to try to make a good effort to document my life.
So, here goes.....
M.E.
Then life happened.
Seriously, I was dealing with some really difficult things.
I won't go into all that right now, but it may make for future blog post topics.
A couple of weeks ago, I was looking over old blog posts -- the pictures I posted, the words I wrote.
I'm so glad that I took the time to do that because it preserved precious memories for me that I might otherwise have forgotten by now. Well, at least I wouldn't remember all the details as vividly as I described them in my blog.
That's made me want to start blogging again.
I have this blog....which is more words than pictures.
And I have my photography blog, which surprise, surprise, is more pictures than words.
I really want to start keeping up with both of them again.
I might not do it quite as faithfully as I used to.
But I want to try to make a good effort to document my life.
So, here goes.....
M.E.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
Make the Pathway Bright
I've been thinking about and missing my mom a lot today. Even after all these years, sometimes I miss her so much I can barely breathe.
I thought of her first this morning when I heard the song "In the Garden". I was listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir version. That song always reminds me of my mom, although not the MoTab version.
When I was growing up, my mom was not a very frequent church attender. However, she always listened to country gospel music on Sundays. One of her favorites was "In the Garden". I think it was probably the Elvis Presley version she liked the best.
Hearing it today made me miss her so much. That song is so soothing and beautiful and just a perfect song to help get me in the mood for the Sabbath. The MoTab choir does a good job, but I'm still partial to the versions with a more country flavor. I would have to pick Brad Paisley's as my favorite.
Then today in sacrament meeting we sang "You Can Make the Pathway Bright" I remember my mom telling me how much she liked that song. During my teenage years she did come to church once in a while and I know she always loved when we sang that song.
That's a song that has cheered me up and given me hope on many occasions. And even though today it made me miss my mom, it also made me smile.
I especially like the verse that says:
You can live a happy life
In this world of toil and strife
If there's sunshine in your heart;
And your soul will glow with love
From the perfect Light above,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
We are definitely living in a world of toil and strife. Sometimes things are hard and challenges seem insurmountable. But honestly, we can live a happy life if there's sunshine in our hearts. A positive attitude and heart full of hope can make all the difference in the world.
It's easy to look at the events in the world and feel all gloom and doom. But we were meant to have joy. Not every moment in life is joyful, but our attitudes can make such a difference in making hard things become joyful things.
I know if my mom was here today, she would have positive words of encouragement for me. My mom lived a life of toil and strife, but she also lived a life of joy. That's how I want my life to be, too.
I want to be an influence for good and for positivity in the world around me and more specifically within my own family.
I want to have sunshine in my heart. Even on this gloomy January day, that's what I'm striving for.
- M.E.
I thought of her first this morning when I heard the song "In the Garden". I was listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir version. That song always reminds me of my mom, although not the MoTab version.
When I was growing up, my mom was not a very frequent church attender. However, she always listened to country gospel music on Sundays. One of her favorites was "In the Garden". I think it was probably the Elvis Presley version she liked the best.
Hearing it today made me miss her so much. That song is so soothing and beautiful and just a perfect song to help get me in the mood for the Sabbath. The MoTab choir does a good job, but I'm still partial to the versions with a more country flavor. I would have to pick Brad Paisley's as my favorite.
Then today in sacrament meeting we sang "You Can Make the Pathway Bright" I remember my mom telling me how much she liked that song. During my teenage years she did come to church once in a while and I know she always loved when we sang that song.
That's a song that has cheered me up and given me hope on many occasions. And even though today it made me miss my mom, it also made me smile.
I especially like the verse that says:
You can live a happy life
In this world of toil and strife
If there's sunshine in your heart;
And your soul will glow with love
From the perfect Light above,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
We are definitely living in a world of toil and strife. Sometimes things are hard and challenges seem insurmountable. But honestly, we can live a happy life if there's sunshine in our hearts. A positive attitude and heart full of hope can make all the difference in the world.
It's easy to look at the events in the world and feel all gloom and doom. But we were meant to have joy. Not every moment in life is joyful, but our attitudes can make such a difference in making hard things become joyful things.
I know if my mom was here today, she would have positive words of encouragement for me. My mom lived a life of toil and strife, but she also lived a life of joy. That's how I want my life to be, too.
I want to be an influence for good and for positivity in the world around me and more specifically within my own family.
I want to have sunshine in my heart. Even on this gloomy January day, that's what I'm striving for.
- M.E.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
I'm Back...maybe. :)
I had really good intentions of updating this blog more frequently last year.
Then life got in the way.
That seems to happen a lot. Must be part of living or something.
Today I looked back at my photography blog and the post I wrote and pictures I posted after Parker received his mission call 5 YEARS AGO!!
Time has flown since then. So much has happened. Many joys. Many challenges. Many tears. Many difficult hours on my knees in prayer.
I feel bad that I haven't kept up my photography blog or this blog. I guess I can't go back and change that, but I can try to be better about writing from here on out.
It's been two and a half years since my brother Lance died. Two and a half of the hardest years I ever thought I would face in this lifetime. I've struggled in many ways. I've felt abandoned and alone. I've been angry. I've been sad. I've worked so hard to pull myself out of my grief and sadness. I've worked to build my faith, to strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father. To come to terms with what happened and why. It's been hard.
I went through a really difficult period where I questioned my faith. I questioned what I had always known about God and my religion. I was so angry. So sad. So unable to come to terms with my brother's suicide. I would hear of other people's miracles and wonder why God didn't give our family a miracle. Didn't we pray hard enough? Why weren't we worthy to have a miracle? Why couldn't Lance get better? I had been taught that God could do anything. Why did He choose not to let Lance get better and stay here on earth with those who love him so much? Other people got miracles. Why not me?
I began to feel that my prayers didn't matter at all. If God was just going to do what He wanted to do anyway, why did it matter if I prayed?
I struggled in many of my relationships. I withdrew from many of them. I felt like I didn't have the energy or desire to deal with anyone except those who could really understand what I was going through...and that was a tiny, tiny few.
I'm not sure exactly when things started to turn around for me...but after going through many months of feeling like I was just going through the motions, I began to feel a desire again to pray, to read my scriptures, to draw closer to my Heavenly Father. Nothing spectacular or magical happened, but I felt comfort and peace again in church, prayer and scripture study. Sometimes I still get frustrated and angry about some things, but I feel like I'm finally coming out of that deep place of grief that I was in for so long.
I still miss my brother terribly. Some days, weeks and months are definitely harder than others. There is an empty place in my heart that will never be filled until I see him again.
And honestly I haven't reached the point where I can say I wouldn't trade this trial for anything. I truly still wish Lance was here. Not sure I can ever be grateful that he's not.
But hopefully through all this I have learned something more about the process of grief, the importance of compassion and how important it is to mourn with those that mourn.
-M.E.
Then life got in the way.
That seems to happen a lot. Must be part of living or something.
Today I looked back at my photography blog and the post I wrote and pictures I posted after Parker received his mission call 5 YEARS AGO!!
Time has flown since then. So much has happened. Many joys. Many challenges. Many tears. Many difficult hours on my knees in prayer.
I feel bad that I haven't kept up my photography blog or this blog. I guess I can't go back and change that, but I can try to be better about writing from here on out.
It's been two and a half years since my brother Lance died. Two and a half of the hardest years I ever thought I would face in this lifetime. I've struggled in many ways. I've felt abandoned and alone. I've been angry. I've been sad. I've worked so hard to pull myself out of my grief and sadness. I've worked to build my faith, to strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father. To come to terms with what happened and why. It's been hard.
I went through a really difficult period where I questioned my faith. I questioned what I had always known about God and my religion. I was so angry. So sad. So unable to come to terms with my brother's suicide. I would hear of other people's miracles and wonder why God didn't give our family a miracle. Didn't we pray hard enough? Why weren't we worthy to have a miracle? Why couldn't Lance get better? I had been taught that God could do anything. Why did He choose not to let Lance get better and stay here on earth with those who love him so much? Other people got miracles. Why not me?
I began to feel that my prayers didn't matter at all. If God was just going to do what He wanted to do anyway, why did it matter if I prayed?
I struggled in many of my relationships. I withdrew from many of them. I felt like I didn't have the energy or desire to deal with anyone except those who could really understand what I was going through...and that was a tiny, tiny few.
I'm not sure exactly when things started to turn around for me...but after going through many months of feeling like I was just going through the motions, I began to feel a desire again to pray, to read my scriptures, to draw closer to my Heavenly Father. Nothing spectacular or magical happened, but I felt comfort and peace again in church, prayer and scripture study. Sometimes I still get frustrated and angry about some things, but I feel like I'm finally coming out of that deep place of grief that I was in for so long.
I still miss my brother terribly. Some days, weeks and months are definitely harder than others. There is an empty place in my heart that will never be filled until I see him again.
And honestly I haven't reached the point where I can say I wouldn't trade this trial for anything. I truly still wish Lance was here. Not sure I can ever be grateful that he's not.
But hopefully through all this I have learned something more about the process of grief, the importance of compassion and how important it is to mourn with those that mourn.
-M.E.
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